How could you resist a face like this??

Scars

their crooked mouths
peer out from my wrists
red smiles
mocking
laughing
while my mind silently screams for help

Written by Rachel 11/5/2005

Bubbles

perfectly formed, round symmetrical
so delicate and fragile
yet there
so strong, floating lightly on the air
clear, but a shifting spectrum of colour
reflecting all that they see
free, directionless, unsubstantial, ethereal
then gone
and nothing but an illusion

Written by Rachel 3/9/2002

Destructive attachments

stab me in the back
that's right
kick me when I'm down
go on
hurt me more
with those words you throw
like arrows, spears
they hit me in the heart
you're so careless
as you rip out my soul
suck out my life
all I have
you take
it's yours
and when you need me
I'll still be here
you say I won't
but I'll still be here
waiting
to pick up the pieces
and put you back together
the complex jigsaw
that will turn on me again
as shifting as the sea
you are
an unstoppable life force
I'm yours to hurt
(please be gentle)
I'm yours to trample
(I'm so scared)
treat me as you will
(of losing you)
and remember
(I can't take much more)
I'll still be here

Written by Rachel 5/9/2002

Stuck

freight train, shotgun
poison, suffocation
so many ways
but instead I linger here
torn apart
a vessel filled with emptiness
and visions of death
my only purpose here is for them
I'm not sure why
they'd be better off without me

maybe without them
I'd have the courage to leave

Written by Rachel 6/10/2004

Happiness

as simple as
playing cards in the bar
chatting with friends
a movie
being lost in a book

forgetting who you are
if only for a while

Written by Rachel 20/9/2004

Blankets

comforting warmth
they press around me
soft voices
gentle hands
enclose me in their safe cocoon
but shadows shift
and voices change
raised and accusing
warmth now gone I long again to be safe

Written by Rachel 11/5/2005

The Hospital

institutionalised
it's a very cold, sinister sounding word
like something from another decade
outdated
conjures up images of
white walls
conformity
captivity

it's not really so bad
safe, secure, comforting
a break from the outside world
quiet
but in a moment, chaos
I do not mind
for some unknown reason
this place soothes me

but I do miss the others
to whom I did the unthinkable
I have become the unforgivable
I'm not strong
perhaps that's why I'm here
but I do miss them
and pray they'll visit me
I can't entirely leave this world

soon I shall return
I wonder if that's such a good thing
if I can survive out there
it's a dog-eat-dog world
and I'm not so sure I can face it

Written by Rachel 30/10/2002

The Lingering Torn

they are nothing
nothing
nothing but words
and words can't help me now

beyond the realm of caring
I care not
for myself, I am worthless
a wasted existence

it is the others that keep me here
attached to them
I cannot escape
to hurt them is the unthinkable

the words are meaningless
they wash all around me
lulling me to sleep
small comfort, for soon I shall wake

wake
from nightmare
to reality
identical twins that mock me

I cannot escape
they know
they know
my time is soon to come

Written by Rachel 12/10/2002

No Silent Creator

I've been hiding behind this mask for so long
don't know where it ends and where I begin
I've been smiling at this world for so long
don't know if I can ever let them in

No silent Creator
shall ever rule my world
'cos I demand answers
I demand to know
I'll walk through the burning bush
be swallowed by the sea
'cos No silent Creator rules over me

I've been building up these walls for so long
I've stopped rejection, but left all the bad in
I cant break them down, I've built them so strong
Where's all the good? I'm being consumed from within

No silent Creator
shall ever rule my world
'cos I demand answers
I demand to know
I'll walk through the burning bush
be swallowed by the sea
'cos No silent Creator rules over me

speak
Why cant I hear you speak?
I know you see my pain but I just cant reach through to you
speak
Dear God, please speak
please let me know that I'm meant to be here

No silent Creator

Written by Rachel 26/3/2006

All in your head

tiny room
the crowd jostles
pushing, fighting

control, control

who is their leader?
I am their leader
they are me
I have no leader

mass confusion
control, control

swarming faces
voices
whisper, shout, cry, command

demand, demand

endless
make them stop
make them stop

they fight for control
over me
but I'm mine
not theirs

too many
in such a tiny space
each are their own
each are my own

Can they be silenced?

Written by Rachel 8/10/2002

Black

black
the colour of mourning
that swarms the graveyard
as humans gather
like a murder of crows
around a freshly dug grave

black
the cloak the night wears
as he covers the earth in his darkness
and fear hides in every shadow
with death by his side
while they wait
for their unsuspecting victim

Written By Rachel 2000